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		<title>Blackbird Fly &#187; Articles</title>
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		<title>5 commandments of dating</title>
		<link>http://blackbirdfly.wordpress.com/2008/01/25/5-commandments-of-dating/</link>
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		<pubDate>Fri, 25 Jan 2008 20:33:27 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Desiree</dc:creator>
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		<description><![CDATA[by Jason Illian, excerpted from Undressed: The Naked Truth About Love, Sex, and Dating
Christians do many things well, but dating isn&#8217;t one of them. In fact, many of the fallacies prevalent in the dating world were created by Christians. We have been so overly zealous about modesty and purity that our faith often morphs into [...]<img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=blackbirdfly.wordpress.com&blog=2140139&post=50&subd=blackbirdfly&ref=&feed=1" />]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class='snap_preview'><br /><p>by Jason Illian, excerpted from <em>Undressed: The Naked Truth About Love, Sex, and Dating</em></p>
<p>Christians do many things well, but dating isn&#8217;t one of them. In fact, many of the fallacies prevalent in the dating world were created by Christians. We have been so overly zealous about modesty and purity that our faith often morphs into legalism, shaming everyone with unattainable standards of perfection. Many young adults desire a relationship with the Almighty but not at the cost of feeling guilty every single day of their lives because they long for human companionship. Even God said, &#8220;It is not good for man to be alone&#8221; and then He created Eve to be man&#8217;s partner (Genesis 2:18). The answer to the reckless and shameless dating often seen in America today isn&#8217;t found at the dogmatic, ultraconservative end of the spectrum. It is found in the balanced life, somewhere between everything and nothing, culture and faith, the place where Christ resides.</p>
<p>Despite what many of us have been taught, there is nothing inherently wrong with dating. But like any freedom—driving, voting, drinking—it can lead to disaster if you do it recklessly. Even though the Bible doesn&#8217;t specifically talk about dating, the Bible is a wonderful guide when it comes to interpersonal relationships. And if you think about it, dating is just one type of personal relationship. Dating gives us the opportunity to interact with a myriad of interesting people in a very unique way. Some people we will never see again, some will become friends, and some may become more. But in every instance, we have the opportunity to learn more about ourselves and about the diversity of humanity.</p>
<p>The purpose of dating is to find the &#8220;right one&#8221; with whom to spend the rest of your life. If you simply want to have fun, meet interesting people, or learn about yourself, don&#8217;t do it within the context of dating. There is a time and place for these types of experiences, and it is called friendship. Just make friends with some people of the opposite sex if your goal is to learn and grow. Although dating sounds like an ideal way to simply shop around for Mr. Right, it is too easy to get emotionally and physically involved. And if you date with the goal of self-improvement or self-satisfaction, there is a very good chance that you&#8217;re going to get hurt or you&#8217;re going to hurt someone else. Dating should have a purpose—to learn who and how to love.</p>
<p>Read the rest of the article <a href="http://www.christianitytoday.com/singles/newsletter/mind61011.html" target="_blank">here</a>.</p>
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		<title>The messy art of living alone</title>
		<link>http://blackbirdfly.wordpress.com/2008/01/24/the-messy-art-of-living-alone/</link>
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		<pubDate>Thu, 24 Jan 2008 18:56:00 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Desiree</dc:creator>
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		<description><![CDATA[by Camerin Courtney
I&#8217;m dying to show someone my bedroom closet. It&#8217;s a well-organized thing of beauty.
At least, for right now.
During my recent two days home sick from work—battling a bone-rattling cough and hiding out from Chicagoland&#8217;s negative-14-degree weather—I got the sudden urge to purge the clutter from my bedroom closet and kitchen cabinets.
I have to [...]<img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=blackbirdfly.wordpress.com&blog=2140139&post=48&subd=blackbirdfly&ref=&feed=1" />]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class='snap_preview'><br /><p class="arttext"><i><span class="artbyline">by Camerin Courtney</span></i></p>
<p class="arttext">I&#8217;m dying to show someone my bedroom closet. It&#8217;s a well-organized thing of beauty.</p>
<p class="arttext">At least, for right <i>now</i>.</p>
<p class="arttext">During my recent two days home sick from work—battling a bone-rattling cough and hiding out from Chicagoland&#8217;s negative-14-degree weather—I got the sudden urge to purge the clutter from my bedroom closet and kitchen cabinets.</p>
<p class="arttext">I have to be in the right frame of mind to sort with true effectiveness. That frame of mind is somewhere between Army drill sergeant and Peace Corps volunteer. I need to be ruthless, fighting the temptation to hang onto that gaudy blouse because I once received a compliment while wearing it. And I need to be benevolent, thinking of all the needy people who could drink from the 57 mugs I&#8217;ve somehow collected over the years.</p>
<p class="arttext">However, this mindset strikes me with the frequency of a lunar eclipse. So when the urge hits, I need to just go with it—copious amounts of phlegm or not.</p>
<p class="arttext">I used to experience this mindset more frequently when I had a roommate. Actually, I think the mindset was less of a motivator than was my pride—either saving my pride in not wanting my roommate to see me as messy, or boosting my pride in having her oooh and ahhh over my work.</p>
<p class="arttext">So the other day when I stepped back to admire my closet-cleaning handiwork, I wanted to turn to someone and say, &#8220;Am I impressive, or what?&#8221; But then, to truly appreciate my achievement, my companion would have needed to see the &#8220;before,&#8221; with shoes and purses obscuring the floor and an extra 87 hangers clogging up the works. I&#8217;d gathered up four trash bags of clothes, shoes, and purses to give away. And then I&#8217;d moved on to the kitchen and gathered another two bags of mugs and Tupperware containers. (I&#8217;m convinced some of these objects mate and multiply when I&#8217;m not looking.)</p>
<p class="arttext">My strange need for a witness reminded me of that old philosophical question asking whether a tree falling in a forest really makes a sound if no one&#8217;s around to hear it. Suddenly I found myself wondering, <i>If a single person cleans out a closet and no one&#8217;s around to woohoo it, does the accomplishment really count?</i></p>
<p class="arttext">Instead of an adoring audience, I was alone, clapping over my cleanliness . . . and vowing not to shop again for months.</p>
<p class="arttext">Read the rest of the article <a href="http://www.christianitytoday.com/singles/newsletter/2008/mind0123.html" target="_blank">here</a>.</p>
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		<title>Barack Obama&#8217;s speech at Dr. King&#8217;s church</title>
		<link>http://blackbirdfly.wordpress.com/2008/01/21/barack-obamas-speech-at-dr-kings-church/</link>
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		<pubDate>Tue, 22 Jan 2008 02:06:00 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Desiree</dc:creator>
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		<description><![CDATA[
Remarks of Senator Barack Obama: The Great Need of the Hour
Atlanta, GA &#124; January 20, 2008
The Scripture tells us that when Joshua and the Israelites arrived at the gates of Jericho, they could not enter. The walls of the city were too steep for any one person to climb; too strong to be taken down [...]<img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=blackbirdfly.wordpress.com&blog=2140139&post=46&subd=blackbirdfly&ref=&feed=1" />]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class='snap_preview'><br /><div class="post-content">
<div class="snap_preview"><b>Remarks of Senator Barack Obama: The Great Need of the Hour</b><br />
Atlanta, GA | January 20, 2008</p>
<p>The Scripture tells us that when Joshua and the Israelites arrived at the gates of Jericho, they could not enter. The walls of the city were too steep for any one person to climb; too strong to be taken down with brute force. And so they sat for days, unable to pass on through.</p>
<p>But God had a plan for his people. He told them to stand together and march together around the city, and on the seventh day he told them that when they heard the sound of the ram’s horn, they should speak with one voice. And at the chosen hour, when the horn sounded and a chorus of voices cried out together, the mighty walls of Jericho came tumbling down.</p>
<p>There are many lessons to take from this passage, just as there are many lessons to take from this day, just as there are many memories that fill the space of this church. As I was thinking about which ones we need to remember at this hour, my mind went back to the very beginning of the modern Civil Rights Era.</p>
<p>Because before Memphis and the mountaintop; before the bridge in Selma and the march on Washington; before Birmingham and the beatings; the fire hoses and the loss of those four little girls; before there was King the icon and his magnificent dream, there was King the young preacher and a people who found themselves suffering under the yoke of oppression.</p>
<p>And on the eve of the bus boycotts in Montgomery, at a time when many were still doubtful about the possibilities of change, a time when those in the black community mistrusted themselves, and at times mistrusted each other, King inspired with words not of anger, but of an urgency that still speaks to us today:</p>
<p>“Unity is the great need of the hour” is what King said.  Unity is how we shall overcome.</p>
<p>What Dr. King understood is that if just one person chose to walk instead of ride the bus, those walls of oppression would not be moved. But maybe if a few more walked, the foundation might start to shake. If a few more women were willing to do what Rosa Parks had done, maybe the cracks would start to show. If teenagers took freedom rides from North to South, maybe a few bricks would come loose. Maybe if white folks marched because they had come to understand that their freedom too was at stake in the impending battle, the wall would begin to sway. And if enough Americans were awakened to the injustice; if they joined together, North and South, rich and poor, Christian and Jew, then perhaps that wall would come tumbling down, and justice would flow like water, and righteousness like a mighty stream.</p>
<p>Unity is the great need of the hour — the great need of this hour. Not because it sounds pleasant or because it makes us feel good, but because it’s the only way we can overcome the essential deficit that exists in this country.</p>
<p>I’m not talking about a budget deficit. I’m not talking about a trade deficit. I’m not talking about a deficit of good ideas or new plans.</p>
<p>I’m talking about a moral deficit. I’m talking about an empathy deficit. I’m taking about an inability to recognize ourselves in one another; to understand that we are our brother’s keeper; we are our sister’s keeper; that, in the words of Dr. King, we are all tied together in a single garment of destiny.</p>
<p>We have an empathy deficit when we’re still sending our children down corridors of shame — schools in the forgotten corners of America where the color of your skin still affects the content of your education.</p>
<p>We have a deficit when CEOs are making more in ten minutes than some workers make in ten months; when families lose their homes so that lenders make a profit; when mothers can’t afford a doctor when their children get sick.</p>
<p>We have a deficit in this country when there is Scooter Libby justice for some and Jena justice for others; when our children see nooses hanging from a schoolyard tree today, in the present, in the twenty-first century.</p>
<p>We have a deficit when homeless veterans sleep on the streets of our cities; when innocents are slaughtered in the deserts of Darfur; when young Americans serve tour after tour of duty in a war that should’ve never been authorized and never been waged.</p>
<p>And we have a deficit when it takes a breach in our levees to reveal a breach in our compassion; when it takes a terrible storm to reveal the hungry that God calls on us to feed; the sick He calls on us to care for; the least of these He commands that we treat as our own.</p>
<p>So we have a deficit to close. We have walls — barriers to justice and equality — that must come down. And to do this, we know that unity is the great need of this hour.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, all too often when we talk about unity in this country, we’ve come to believe that it can be purchased on the cheap. We’ve come to believe that racial reconciliation can come easily — that it’s just a matter of a few ignorant people trapped in the prejudices of the past, and that if the demagogues and those who exploit our racial divisions will simply go away, then all our problems would be solved.</p>
<p>All too often, we seek to ignore the profound institutional barriers that stand in the way of ensuring opportunity for all children, or decent jobs for all people, or health care for those who are sick. We long for unity, but are unwilling to pay the price.</p>
<p>But of course, true unity cannot be so easily won. It starts with a change in attitudes — a broadening of our minds, and a broadening of our hearts.</p>
<p>It’s not easy to stand in somebody else’s shoes. It’s not easy to see past our differences. We’ve all encountered this in our own lives. But what makes it even more difficult is that we have a politics in this country that seeks to drive us apart — that puts up walls between us.</p>
<p>We are told that those who differ from us on a few things are different from us on all things; that our problems are the fault of those who don’t think like us or look like us or come from where we do. The welfare queen is taking our tax money. The immigrant is taking our jobs. The believer condemns the non-believer as immoral, and the non-believer chides the believer as intolerant.</p>
<p>For most of this country’s history, we in the African-American community have been at the receiving end of man’s inhumanity to man. And all of us understand intimately the insidious role that race still sometimes plays — on the job, in the schools, in our health care system, and in our criminal justice system.</p>
<p>And yet, if we are honest with ourselves, we must admit that none of our hands are entirely clean. If we’re honest with ourselves, we’ll acknowledge that our own community has not always been true to King’s vision of a beloved community.</p>
<p>We have scorned our gay brothers and sisters instead of embracing them. The scourge of anti-Semitism has, at times, revealed itself in our community. For too long, some of us have seen immigrants as competitors for jobs instead of companions in the fight for opportunity.</p>
<p>Every day, our politics fuels and exploits this kind of division across all races and regions; across gender and party. It is played out on television. It is sensationalized by the media. And last week, it even crept into the campaign for President, with charges and counter-charges that served to obscure the issues instead of illuminating the critical choices we face as a nation.</p>
<p>So let us say that on this day of all days, each of us carries with us the task of changing our hearts and minds. The division, the stereotypes, the scape-goating, the ease with which we blame our plight on others — all of this distracts us from the common challenges we face — war and poverty; injustice and inequality. We can no longer afford to build ourselves up by tearing someone else down. We can no longer afford to traffic in lies or fear or hate. It is the poison that we must purge from our politics; the wall that we must tear down before the hour grows too late.</p>
<p>Because if Dr. King could love his jailor; if he could call on the faithful who once sat where you do to forgive those who set dogs and fire hoses upon them, then surely we can look past what divides us in our time, and bind up our wounds, and erase the empathy deficit that exists in our hearts.</p>
<p>But if changing our hearts and minds is the first critical step, we cannot stop there. It is not enough to bemoan the plight of poor children in this country and remain unwilling to push our elected officials to provide the resources to fix our schools. It is not enough to decry the disparities of health care and yet allow the insurance companies and the drug companies to block much-needed reforms. It is not enough for us to abhor the costs of a misguided war, and yet allow ourselves to be driven by a politics of fear that sees the threat of attack as way to scare up votes instead of a call to come together around a common effort.</p>
<p>The Scripture tells us that we are judged not just by word, but by deed. And if we are to truly bring about the unity that is so crucial in this time, we must find it within ourselves to act on what we know; to understand that living up to this country’s ideals and its possibilities will require great effort and resources; sacrifice and stamina.</p>
<p>And that is what is at stake in the great political debate we are having today. The changes that are needed are not just a matter of tinkering at the edges, and they will not come if politicians simply tell us what we want to hear. All of us will be called upon to make some sacrifice. None of us will be exempt from responsibility. We will have to fight to fix our schools, but we will also have to challenge ourselves to be better parents. We will have to confront the biases in our criminal justice system, but we will also have to acknowledge the deep-seated violence that still resides in our own communities and marshal the will to break its grip.</p>
<p>That is how we will bring about the change we seek. That is how Dr. King led this country through the wilderness. He did it with words — words that he spoke not just to the children of slaves, but the children of slave owners. Words that inspired not just black but also white; not just the Christian but the Jew; not just the Southerner but also the Northerner.</p>
<p>He led with words, but he also led with deeds. He also led by example. He led by marching and going to jail and suffering threats and being away from his family. He led by taking a stand against a war, knowing full well that it would diminish his popularity. He led by challenging our economic structures, understanding that it would cause discomfort. Dr. King understood that unity cannot be won on the cheap; that we would have to earn it through great effort and determination.</p>
<p>That is the unity — the hard-earned unity — that we need right now. It is that effort, and that determination, that can transform blind optimism into hope — the hope to imagine, and work for, and fight for what seemed impossible before.</p>
<p>The stories that give me such hope don’t happen in the spotlight. They don’t happen on the presidential stage. They happen in the quiet corners of our lives. They happen in the moments we least expect. Let me give you an example of one of those stories.</p>
<p>There is a young, twenty-three year old white woman named Ashley Baia who organizes for our campaign in Florence, South Carolina. She’s been working to organize a mostly African-American community since the beginning of this campaign, and the other day she was at a roundtable discussion where everyone went around telling their story and why they were there.</p>
<p>And Ashley said that when she was nine years old, her mother got cancer. And because she had to miss days of work, she was let go and lost her health care. They had to file for bankruptcy, and that’s when Ashley decided that she had to do something to help her mom.</p>
<p>She knew that food was one of their most expensive costs, and so Ashley convinced her mother that what she really liked and really wanted to eat more than anything else was mustard and relish sandwiches. Because that was the cheapest way to eat.</p>
<p>She did this for a year until her mom got better, and she told everyone at the roundtable that the reason she joined our campaign was so that she could help the millions of other children in the country who want and need to help their parents too.</p>
<p>So Ashley finishes her story and then goes around the room and asks everyone else why they’re supporting the campaign. They all have different stories and reasons. Many bring up a specific issue. And finally they come to this elderly black man who’s been sitting there quietly the entire time. And Ashley asks him why he’s there. And he does not bring up a specific issue. He does not say health care or the economy. He does not say education or the war. He does not say that he was there because of Barack Obama. He simply says to everyone in the room, “I am here because of Ashley.”</p>
<p>By itself, that single moment of recognition between that young white girl and that old black man is not enough. It is not enough to give health care to the sick, or jobs to the jobless, or education to our children.</p>
<p>But it is where we begin.  It is why the walls in that room began to crack and shake.</p>
<p>And if they can shake in that room, they can shake in Atlanta.</p>
<p>And if they can shake in Atlanta, they can shake in Georgia.</p>
<p>And if they can shake in Georgia, they can shake all across America. And if enough of our voices join together; we can bring those walls tumbling down. The walls of Jericho can finally come tumbling down. That is our hope — but only if we pray together, and work together, and march together.</p>
<p>Brothers and sisters, we cannot walk alone.</p>
<p>In the struggle for peace and justice, we cannot walk alone.</p>
<p>In the struggle for opportunity and equality, we cannot walk alone</p>
<p>In the struggle to heal this nation and repair this world, we cannot walk alone.</p>
<p>So I ask you to walk with me, and march with me, and join your voice with mine, and together we will sing the song that tears down the walls that divide us, and lift up an America that is truly indivisible, with liberty, and justice, for all. May God bless the memory of the great pastor of this church, and may God bless the United States of America.</p>
<p>See the video <a href="http://my.barackobama.com/page/m/f3a60339f2e40fce/7nYZ74/" target="_blank">here</a>.</div>
</div>
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		<title>Lessons in life</title>
		<link>http://blackbirdfly.wordpress.com/2008/01/18/lessons-in-life/</link>
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		<pubDate>Fri, 18 Jan 2008 17:10:11 +0000</pubDate>
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		<description><![CDATA[By Regina Brett, The Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio 
To celebrate growing  older, I once wrote the lessons life taught me.  It is the most-requested  column I&#8217;ve ever written.  
1. Life isn&#8217;t fair,  but it&#8217;s still good.
2. When in doubt,  just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short [...]<img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=blackbirdfly.wordpress.com&blog=2140139&post=45&subd=blackbirdfly&ref=&feed=1" />]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class='snap_preview'><br /><p><i><font color="black" face="Tahoma" size="2"><span style="font-size:10pt;color:black;font-family:Tahoma;">By Regina Brett, The Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio</span></font></i> <font color="black" face="Tahoma" size="2"><span style="font-size:10pt;color:black;font-family:Tahoma;"></span></font></p>
<p><font color="black" face="Tahoma" size="2"><span style="font-size:10pt;color:black;font-family:Tahoma;">To celebrate growing  older, I once wrote the lessons life taught me.  It is the most-requested  column I&#8217;ve ever written.  </span></font></p>
<p><font color="black" face="Tahoma" size="2"><span style="font-size:10pt;color:black;font-family:Tahoma;">1. Life isn&#8217;t fair,  but it&#8217;s still good.</span></font></p>
<p><font color="black" face="Tahoma" size="2"><span style="font-size:10pt;color:black;font-family:Tahoma;">2. When in doubt,  just take the next small step.</span></font></p>
<p><font color="black" face="Tahoma" size="2"><span style="font-size:10pt;color:black;font-family:Tahoma;">3. Life is too short  to waste time hating anyone.</span></font></p>
<p><font color="black" face="Tahoma" size="2"><span style="font-size:10pt;color:black;font-family:Tahoma;">4. Don&#8217;t take  yourself so seriously.  No one else does.</span></font></p>
<p><font color="black" face="Tahoma" size="2"><span style="font-size:10pt;color:black;font-family:Tahoma;">5. Pay off your  credit cards every month.</span></font></p>
<p><font color="black" face="Tahoma" size="2"><span style="font-size:10pt;color:black;font-family:Tahoma;">6. You don&#8217;t have to  win every argument.  Agree to disagree.</span></font></p>
<p><font color="black" face="Tahoma" size="2"><span style="font-size:10pt;color:black;font-family:Tahoma;">7. Cry with someone.   It&#8217;s more healing than crying alone.</span></font></p>
<p><font color="black" face="Tahoma" size="2"><span style="font-size:10pt;color:black;font-family:Tahoma;">8. It&#8217;s OK t o get  angry with God.  He can take it.</span></font></p>
<p><font color="black" face="Tahoma" size="2"><span style="font-size:10pt;color:black;font-family:Tahoma;">9. Save for  retirement starting with your first paycheck.</span></font></p>
<p><font color="black" face="Tahoma" size="2"><span style="font-size:10pt;color:black;font-family:Tahoma;">10. When it comes to  chocolate, resistance is futile.</span></font></p>
<p><font color="black" face="Tahoma" size="2"><span style="font-size:10pt;color:black;font-family:Tahoma;">11. Make peace with  your past so it won&#8217;t screw up the present.</span></font></p>
<p><font color="black" face="Tahoma" size="2"><span style="font-size:10pt;color:black;font-family:Tahoma;">12. It&#8217;s OK to let  your children see you cry.</span></font></p>
<p><font color="black" face="Tahoma" size="2"><span style="font-size:10pt;color:black;font-family:Tahoma;">13. Don&#8217;t compare  your life to others&#8217;.  You have no idea what their journey is all  about.</span></font></p>
<p><font color="black" face="Tahoma" size="2"><span style="font-size:10pt;color:black;font-family:Tahoma;">14. If a relationship  has to be a secret, you shouldn&#8217;t be in it.</span></font></p>
<p><font color="black" face="Tahoma" size="2"><span style="font-size:10pt;color:black;font-family:Tahoma;">15. Everything can  change in the blink of an eye.  But don&#8217;t worry; God never blinks.</span></font></p>
<p><font color="black" face="Tahoma" size="2"><span style="font-size:10pt;color:black;font-family:Tahoma;">16. Life is too short  for long pity parties.  Get busy living, or get busy dying.</span></font></p>
<p><font color="black" face="Tahoma" size="2"><span style="font-size:10pt;color:black;font-family:Tahoma;">17. You can get  through anything if you stay put in today.</span></font></p>
<p><font color="black" face="Tahoma" size="2"><span style="font-size:10pt;color:black;font-family:Tahoma;">18. A writer writes.   If you want to be a writer, write.</span></font></p>
<p><font color="black" face="Tahoma" size="2"><span style="font-size:10pt;color:black;font-family:Tahoma;">19. It&#8217;s never too  late to have a happy childhood, but the second one is up to you &amp; no one  else.</span></font></p>
<p><font color="black" face="Tahoma" size="2"><span style="font-size:10pt;color:black;font-family:Tahoma;">20. When it comes to  going after what you love in life, don&#8217;t take no for an answer.</span></font></p>
<p><font color="black" face="Tahoma" size="2"><span style="font-size:10pt;color:black;font-family:Tahoma;">21. Burn the candles,  use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie.  </span></font><br />
<font color="black" face="Tahoma" size="2"><span style="font-size:10pt;color:black;font-family:Tahoma;">Don&#8217;t save it for a  special occasion. Today is special.</span></font></p>
<p><font color="black" face="Tahoma" size="2"><span style="font-size:10pt;color:black;font-family:Tahoma;">22. Over-prepare,  then go with the flow.</span></font></p>
<p><font color="black" face="Tahoma" size="2"><span style="font-size:10pt;color:black;font-family:Tahoma;">23. Be eccentric  now.  Don&#8217;t wait for old age to wear purple.</span></font></p>
<p><font color="black" face="Tahoma" size="2"><span style="font-size:10pt;color:black;font-family:Tahoma;">24. The most  important sex organ is the brain.</span></font></p>
<p><font color="black" face="Tahoma" size="2"><span style="font-size:10pt;color:black;font-family:Tahoma;">25. No one is in  charge of your happiness except you.</span></font></p>
<p><font color="black" face="Tahoma" size="2"><span style="font-size:10pt;color:black;font-family:Tahoma;">27. Always choose  life.</span></font></p>
<p><font color="black" face="Tahoma" size="2"><span style="font-size:10pt;color:black;font-family:Tahoma;">28. Forgive  everyone.</span></font></p>
<p><font color="black" face="Tahoma" size="2"><span style="font-size:10pt;color:black;font-family:Tahoma;">29. What other people  think of you is none of your business.</span></font></p>
<p><font color="black" face="Tahoma" size="2"><span style="font-size:10pt;color:black;font-family:Tahoma;">30. Time heals almost  everything.  Give time, time.</span></font></p>
<p><font color="black" face="Tahoma" size="2"><span style="font-size:10pt;color:black;font-family:Tahoma;">31. However good or  bad a situation is, it will change.</span></font></p>
<p><font color="black" face="Tahoma" size="2"><span style="font-size:10pt;color:black;font-family:Tahoma;">32. Your job won&#8217;t  take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in  touch.</span></font></p>
<p><font color="black" face="Tahoma" size="2"><span style="font-size:10pt;color:black;font-family:Tahoma;">33. Believe in  miracles.</span></font></p>
<p><font color="black" face="Tahoma" size="2"><span style="font-size:10pt;color:black;font-family:Tahoma;">34. God loves you  because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn&#8217;t  do.</span></font></p>
<p><font color="black" face="Tahoma" size="2"><span style="font-size:10pt;color:black;font-family:Tahoma;">35. Whatever doesn&#8217;t  kill you really does make you stronger.</span></font></p>
<p><font color="black" face="Tahoma" size="2"><span style="font-size:10pt;color:black;font-family:Tahoma;">36. Growing old beats  the alternative &#8212; dying young.</span></font></p>
<p><font color="black" face="Tahoma" size="2"><span style="font-size:10pt;color:black;font-family:Tahoma;">37. Your children get  only one childhood.  Make it memorable.</span></font></p>
<p><font color="black" face="Tahoma" size="2"><span style="font-size:10pt;color:black;font-family:Tahoma;">38. Read some good  books.  They cover every human emotion.</span></font></p>
<p><font color="black" face="Tahoma" size="2"><span style="font-size:10pt;color:black;font-family:Tahoma;">39. Get outside every  day.  Miracles are waiting everywhere.</span></font></p>
<p><font color="black" face="Tahoma" size="2"><span style="font-size:10pt;color:black;font-family:Tahoma;">40. If we all threw  our problems in a pile and saw everyone else&#8217;s, we&#8217;d grab ours  back.</span></font></p>
<p><font color="black" face="Tahoma" size="2"><span style="font-size:10pt;color:black;font-family:Tahoma;">41. Don&#8217;t audit  life.  Show up and make the most of it now.</span></font></p>
<p><font color="black" face="Tahoma" size="2"><span style="font-size:10pt;color:black;font-family:Tahoma;">42. Get rid of  anything that isn&#8217;t useful, beautiful, or joyful.</span></font></p>
<p><font color="black" face="Tahoma" size="2"><span style="font-size:10pt;color:black;font-family:Tahoma;">43. All that truly  matters in the end is that you loved.</span></font></p>
<p><font color="black" face="Tahoma" size="2"><span style="font-size:10pt;color:black;font-family:Tahoma;">44. Envy is a waste  of time.  You already have all you need.</span></font></p>
<p><font color="black" face="Tahoma" size="2"><span style="font-size:10pt;color:black;font-family:Tahoma;">45. The best is yet  to come.</span></font></p>
<p><font color="black" face="Tahoma" size="2"><span style="font-size:10pt;color:black;font-family:Tahoma;">46. No matter how you  feel, get up, dress up, and show up.</span></font></p>
<p><font color="black" face="Tahoma" size="2"><span style="font-size:10pt;color:black;font-family:Tahoma;">47. Take a deep  breath.  It calms the mind.</span></font></p>
<p><font color="black" face="Tahoma" size="2"><span style="font-size:10pt;color:black;font-family:Tahoma;">48. If you don&#8217;t ask,  you don&#8217;t get.</span></font></p>
<p><font color="black" face="Tahoma" size="2"><span style="font-size:10pt;color:black;font-family:Tahoma;">49.  Yield.</span></font></p>
<p><font color="black" face="Tahoma" size="2"><span style="font-size:10pt;color:black;font-family:Tahoma;">50. Life isn&#8217;t tied  with a bow, but it&#8217;s still a gift.</span></font></p>
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		<title>Adopting a Significant Family Purpose</title>
		<link>http://blackbirdfly.wordpress.com/2008/01/01/adopting-a-significant-family-purpose/</link>
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		<pubDate>Tue, 01 Jan 2008 10:07:44 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Desiree</dc:creator>
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		<description><![CDATA[How do you build a strong family? By paying attention not only to individual family members but to the family as a group.
by Dick Wulf 
If members of the family do not consciously think about the family as a social unit, each person will focus only on his or her individual purposes. When these usually [...]<img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=blackbirdfly.wordpress.com&blog=2140139&post=32&subd=blackbirdfly&ref=&feed=1" />]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class='snap_preview'><br /><p><strong>How do you build a strong family? By paying attention not only to individual family members but to the family as a group.</strong></p>
<p><em>by Dick Wulf</em> </p>
<p>If members of the family do not consciously think about the family as a social unit, each person will focus only on his or her individual purposes. When these usually hidden agendas clash, conflict results. The family does not know how to handle it, since the family is not fully functioning as a family without a purpose to which all members are committed. </p>
<p>On the other hand, when a family is led as a family, careful time is taken to help the family adopt a purpose that is critically important to the family members. Expected behavior in light of this family purpose is discussed. I did this in my family when my oldest child was 4 years old, couching our purpose in 4-year-old language. As the kids got older, we went over our family purpose at higher and higher levels of understanding. </p>
<p>Our family&#8217;s purpose was to &#8220;become as a family and as people all that God wants us to be.&#8221; </p>
<p>Note that a properly stated purpose is a result, not an activity. Therefore, having fun as a family is not a recommended purpose, while being together &#8220;to make certain that every member of the family enjoys life&#8221; is an adequate purpose. It is measurable. </p>
<p>Without such a purpose to guide behavior, a family can become dysfunctional. Teenagers drop out of such a family since they were never card-carrying, contributing members of a group with an important purpose. </p>
<p>If you want your family to be a close-knit group of highly functional people, adopting a family purpose is critical. In the process of working toward a significant purpose with all its important goals, individuals (both children and parents) stretch themselves and become more capable. </p>
<p>Most likely you will want to propose to your family some purpose that specifically states or strongly implies an intention of helping one another be all that each can be. Two powerful possibilities emerge from such a purpose. </p>
<p>First, from that general purpose, you can help your family create goals for the family as a whole. For example, to develop into a helpful family, the family might decide to work toward the goal of being able to handle conflict calmly. The family could also set related goals for each member of the family. </p>
<p>Second, a family purpose can be used to measure what behavior is appropriate and inappropriate, right or wrong. For example, if one child takes something (steals) from another, it is not dealt with simply as an individual wrong, but also as something that negatively affects the family&#8217;s purpose. Likewise, when people do not do their chores, they can be confronted with the family purpose and shown how such irresponsibility affects others. The family purpose should make disciplining kids more understandable and loving.</p>
<p>Read the rest of the article <a href="http://www.family.org/parenting/A000000428.cfm" target="_blank">here</a>.</p>
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		<title>Sick of Christmas?  Move it to June.</title>
		<link>http://blackbirdfly.wordpress.com/2007/12/27/sick-of-christmas-move-it-to-june/</link>
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		<pubDate>Fri, 28 Dec 2007 00:29:08 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Desiree</dc:creator>
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		<description><![CDATA[Break out the burgers and fruit cake&#8211;why celebrating the beloved holiday in summer will help connect us to Christ.
By Fr. James Martin
This Thanksgiving, I saw an ad for Kohl&#8217;s department store, announcing that they would be open early the next day. At four in the morning! At that point, I decided to throw my shoe [...]<img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=blackbirdfly.wordpress.com&blog=2140139&post=28&subd=blackbirdfly&ref=&feed=1" />]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class='snap_preview'><br /><p><b><i>Break out the burgers and fruit cake&#8211;why celebrating the beloved holiday in summer will help connect us to Christ.</i></b></p>
<p><i>By Fr. James Martin</i></p>
<p>This Thanksgiving, I saw an ad for Kohl&#8217;s department store, announcing that they would be open early the next day. At four in the morning! At that point, I decided to throw my shoe at the television set. However, since it was my sister&#8217;s television (and a plasma one at that) I refrained from any public display of anger. Besides, my nephew was in the middle of a sixteen-hour cartoon marathon, and I feared disrupting him, much as you would fear waking a sleepwalker.</p>
<p>As a Catholic priest, I like Christmas as much as the next person—maybe a little more. Only a Scrooge couldn&#8217;t find joy in Christmas carols, Christmas cheer, and Christmas Mass. But as an American, I find the holiday has become almost an endurance test. Only a saint could maintain the patience needed to confront Christmas shopping, Christmas stress, and Christmas credit card bills.</p>
<p>I get tired of lamenting the same thing every year. So this year I&#8217;m taking action. Thus my modest proposal: Move Christmas to June.</p>
<p>Read the rest of the article <a href="http://www.beliefnet.com/story/227/story_22770_1.html" target="_blank">here</a>.</p>
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		<title>Help your child behave</title>
		<link>http://blackbirdfly.wordpress.com/2007/12/19/help-your-child-behave/</link>
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		<pubDate>Thu, 20 Dec 2007 04:30:52 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Desiree</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Articles]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[by Veola Vazquez
Good behavior from children makes parents happy. But children often don’t behave the way we’d like them to because they need our help. You might have found yourself in situations such as these:
Frustrated, you give in to your child’s whining for candy while in the checkout line. Tired of telling your child to [...]<img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=blackbirdfly.wordpress.com&blog=2140139&post=23&subd=blackbirdfly&ref=&feed=1" />]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class='snap_preview'><br /><p><em>by Veola Vazquez</em></p>
<p>Good behavior from children makes parents happy. But children often don’t behave the way we’d like them to because they need our help. You might have found yourself in situations such as these:</p>
<p>Frustrated, you give in to your child’s whining for candy while in the checkout line. Tired of telling your child to clean up her room, you do it yourself. Afraid of saying no too often, you allow your child to misbehave.</p>
<p>How can you help your child behave nicely without giving in or giving up? Focusing on what children do right helps them to stop doing what’s wrong. Follow these guidelines to encourage positive behavior. You’ll be on your way to more peaceful days and a better relationship with your child.</p>
<p><strong>Catch her doing what you want.</strong> Keep a watchful eye on your child. When you find her doing something you want her to do, give plenty of praise. Affirmation will encourage her to keep up the positive behavior.</p>
<p><strong>Ignore minor infractions.</strong> Often simply ignoring negative behavior can make it go away. However, never ignore behavior that is dangerous to the child or to others.</p>
<p><strong>Say yes as much as possible.</strong> Parents say no several times a day but fail to say yes when they have the opportunity. Choose your battles wisely, allowing your child more freedom while maintaining limits.</p>
<p><strong>Phrase commands in a positive way.</strong> Children respond better to commands that are specific. State what you want rather than what you don’t want. Instead of saying, “Stop running,” say, “You need to walk.”</p>
<p><strong>Be consistent.</strong> You want your child to know what to expect from you. Inconsistency confuses children and leads to further misbehavior.</p>
<p><strong><u><em>Effective Praise</em></u></strong></p>
<p>Praising a child correctly is important to the development of positive behaviors. Most experts agree that if you aren’t praising your child for something every day, you and your child are missing out on an important “good-behavior-booster.” Follow these six steps to make sure your praise is effective:</p>
<p><strong>Watch for praiseworthy behaviors.</strong> Don’t try to praise everything your child does. Wait for unexpected or previously unnoticed good behavior and praise your child for it.</p>
<p><strong>Praise immediately.</strong> As soon as you notice a positive behavior, make sure you mention it to your child.</p>
<p><strong>Look your child in the eye.</strong> She is more likely to recognize and accept your words of praise if your eyes are focused on her.</p>
<p><strong>Touch your child.</strong> Your praise is more powerful when given in conjunction with a hug, a touch on the arm or a caress of the cheek.</p>
<p><strong>Be specific.</strong> State exactly what you find worthy of praise. For example, “You were very patient while we were in the store. I am proud of you.”</p>
<p><strong>Don’t follow praise with negative comments.</strong> Make sure you allow praise to sink in before you discipline for misbehavior.</p>
<p><strong><em><u>Ignoring Bad Behavior</u></em></strong></p>
<p>Ignoring negative behaviors can be tricky. Expect the following sequence of events:</p>
<p>1. Behavior worsens. Don’t worry; this is normal.</p>
<p>2. Behavior becomes unbearable. Once your child realizes that she no longer receives negative attention for her negative behavior, she will “up the ante.” Don’t give up at this point. If you do, the unbearable behavior will more than likely continue.</p>
<p>3. Negative behavior decreases.</p>
<p><strong><em><u>Effective Commands</u></em></strong></p>
<p><strong>Look your child in the eye.</strong> Get down on their level if needed.</p>
<p><strong>Be specific.</strong> For example, “Pick up the dirty clothes in your bedroom and put them in the washer.”</p>
<p><strong>Give only one command at a time.</strong></p>
<p><strong>Make commands time-limited.</strong> Each instruction must be completed by a specified time. For instance, “Pick up the dirty clothes in your bedroom and put them in the washer before we eat dinner.”</p>
<p><strong>State the consequences for not following instructions.</strong></p>
<p><strong>Follow through on consequences if instructions are not followed.</strong></p>
<p>Read the rest of the article <a href="http://www.family.org/parenting/A000000798.cfm">here</a>.</p>
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		<title>Buy Nothing Christmas</title>
		<link>http://blackbirdfly.wordpress.com/2007/12/11/buy-nothing-christmas/</link>
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		<pubDate>Tue, 11 Dec 2007 19:57:06 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Desiree</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Articles]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[buy nothing christmas]]></category>
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		<description><![CDATA[Buy Nothing Christmas
Bible study guide for high school youth
by Erin Morash
Introduction
This Bible study guide is intended to invite young people into reflection and conversation about the meaning of Christmas and the consumerism that North American society associates with it. The hope is that young people will understand that Christmas is about Christ and not about [...]<img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=blackbirdfly.wordpress.com&blog=2140139&post=14&subd=blackbirdfly&ref=&feed=1" />]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class='snap_preview'><br /><p><strong><a href="http://www.buynothingchristmas.org" target="_new">Buy Nothing Christmas</a></strong><br />
Bible study guide for high school youth</p>
<p><em>by Erin Morash</em></p>
<p><strong>Introduction</strong></p>
<p>This Bible study guide is intended to invite young people into reflection and conversation about the meaning of Christmas and the consumerism that North American society associates with it. The hope is that young people will understand that Christmas is about Christ and not about shopping and that they will commit themselves to a celebration of Christmas which reflects this. This study guide is inspired by the Buy Nothing Christmas movement (www.buynothingchristmas.org).</p>
<p>This guide may be used at any time of the year. (One group used it in summer and called it &#8220;Christmas in July.&#8221;) We advise you not to wait until the Advent season, as by that time many decisions about Christmas shopping and gift-giving will have already been made.</p>
<p>The three sessions were written with a church youth group in mind. They may be used in a Sunday morning education hour, an informal Friday evening gathering or some other context. Each session includes a scripture text, a written reflection, several discussion questions and some action suggestions called &#8220;changing tracks.&#8221;</p>
<p>We suggest that you, the leader, invite one or more youth to read through the scripture text. Without discussion or comment, turn to the reflection and read-or, preferably, tell-it. If you choose to read the reflection, you may wish to invite some of the youth to read a paragraph or two. Invite responses of any kind. Allow the discussion to follow the interests of the group. Towards the end of your allotted time, invite the youth to consider taking on the action suggestions. Conclude your time by reading a portion of the scripture again and closing with prayer.</p>
<p>If you focus on the Buy Nothing Christmas theme for more than one gathering, make sure that you begin subsequent sessions by asking the youth whether they did any of the action suggestions and what the experience was like. Allow for the expression of feelings of frustration, anger or hurt that may have surfaced-some people may think they are crazy! If you sense the group is open to it, invite the members to consider doing a group action as suggested on the &#8220;additional activities&#8221; list at the back. Encourage one or more members of your group to send a message to the Buy Nothing Christmas website, indicating what you have done.</p>
<p><em>About the author: Erin Morash works as an associate pastor at North Kildonan Mennonite Church in Winnipeg, Canada.</em></p>
<p>Skip to:</p>
<p><a href="http://buynothingchristmas.org/resources/youth-guide-intro.html" target="_new">Introduction</a><br />
<a href="http://buynothingchristmas.org/resources/youth-guide1.html" target="_new">Session 1: Challenging conformity</a><br />
<a href="http://buynothingchristmas.org/resources/youth-guide2.html" target="_new">Session 2: Turning it upside-down</a><br />
<a href="http://buynothingchristmas.org/resources/youth-guide3.html" target="_new">Session 3: People not consumers</a><br />
<a href="http://buynothingchristmas.org/resources/youth-guide3.html#additional" target="_new">Additional activities for youth groups</a></p>
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		<title>Being a virtuous woman</title>
		<link>http://blackbirdfly.wordpress.com/2007/12/10/being-virtuous/</link>
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		<pubDate>Mon, 10 Dec 2007 20:32:38 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Desiree</dc:creator>
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		<description><![CDATA[Being a virtuous woman &#8211; a woman of great worth and beauty &#8211; is about being a well rounded character. It is our goal as virtuous women in training to learn to:
- &#8220;be keepers at home&#8221; Titus 2:5
- &#8220;practice hospitality&#8221; 1 Peter 4:9
- &#8220;stretch out our hands to the needy&#8221; Proverbs 31:20
- &#8220;train our children [...]<img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=blackbirdfly.wordpress.com&blog=2140139&post=12&subd=blackbirdfly&ref=&feed=1" />]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class='snap_preview'><br /><p>Being a virtuous woman &#8211; a woman of great worth and beauty &#8211; is about being a well rounded character. It is our goal as virtuous women in training to learn to:</p>
<p>- &#8220;be keepers at home&#8221; <strong>Titus 2:5</strong><br />
- &#8220;practice hospitality&#8221; <strong>1 Peter 4:9</strong><br />
- &#8220;stretch out our hands to the needy&#8221; <strong>Proverbs 31:20</strong><br />
- &#8220;train our children in the ways of the Lord&#8221; <strong>Proverbs 22:6</strong><br />
- &#8220;love our husband all the days of his life&#8221; <strong>Proverbs 31:12</strong><br />
- &#8220;not deny our husbands intimacy&#8221; <strong>1 Cor 7:5</strong><br />
- &#8220;respect our husbands as the head of the home&#8221; <strong>1 Peter 3:1</strong><br />
- spend money wisely and &#8220;know our merchandise is good&#8221; <strong>Proverbs 31:18</strong><br />
- &#8220;walk in fear of the Lord&#8221; <strong>Proverbs 31:30</strong><br />
- &#8220;work willingly with our hands&#8221; <strong>Proverbs 31:13</strong><br />
- and &#8220;without murmuring&#8221; <strong>Philippians 2:14</strong><br />
- &#8220;speak with kindness to everyone&#8221; <strong>Proverbs 31:26</strong><br />
- &#8220;prepare healthy food for our household&#8221; <strong>Proverbs 31:15</strong><br />
- because our &#8220;bodies are like the temple of God&#8221; <strong>1 Cor 6:19</strong><br />
- &#8220;create beauty in our lives and homes&#8221; <strong>Proverbs 31:22</strong><br />
- &#8220;provide for our family&#8221; <strong>Proverbs 31:21</strong><br />
- &#8220;keep His commandments&#8221; <strong>John 14:15</strong><br />
- wake up each morning with &#8220;a song in our heart&#8221; <strong>Psalm 118:24</strong></p>
<p>Read more <a target="_new" href="http://www.avirtuouswoman.org/ebooks/beingvirtuous.pdf">here</a>.</p>
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		<title>A Help to Domestic Happiness</title>
		<link>http://blackbirdfly.wordpress.com/2007/12/09/a-help-to-domestic-happiness/</link>
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		<pubDate>Sun, 09 Dec 2007 23:10:35 +0000</pubDate>
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		<description><![CDATA[A Help to Domestic Happiness
by John A. James, 1828
&#8220;Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.&#8221; Colossians 3:18-21
PREFACE
It is [...]<img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=blackbirdfly.wordpress.com&blog=2140139&post=11&subd=blackbirdfly&ref=&feed=1" />]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class='snap_preview'><br /><p><strong>A Help to Domestic Happiness</strong><br />
by John A. James, 1828</p>
<p><em>&#8220;Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.&#8221; Colossians 3:18-21</em></p>
<p>PREFACE</p>
<p>It is an unquestionable truth, that if a man be not happy at home, he cannot be happy anywhere; and the converse of the proposition is no less true, that he who is happy there, need be miserable no where. Any attempt, however feeble, to render the domestic circle, what it ever should be, a scene of comfort, is at least benevolent. Nor is this a hopeless effort; for he who has the bible in his hand, and speaks as the oracles of God, can disclose at once, and in few words, the important secret. The principles of greatest consequence to mankind, whether we refer to science or to morals, lie not buried deep in gloom and mystery—but are to be found, like the manna of the Israelites, upon the surface of things. The secret of happiness lies folded up in the leaves of the bible, and is carried in the bosom of religion. I know of no other way to felicity, and therefore does not profess to teach any other.</p>
<p>Let the two parties in wedded life be believers in Christ Jesus, and partake themselves of the peace that passes understanding; let them, when they become a father and a mother, bring up their children in the fear of God; and as a master and a mistress, be diligent and successful in instructing their servants in the principles of religion, and if happiness is to be found upon earth, it will be enjoyed within the hallowed circle of a family, thus united by love, and sanctified by grace.</p>
<p>I do not deny that much of worldly comfort may be, and often is, enjoyed in some families, which neither possess nor profess a serious regard to the claims of religion. While it must be acknowledged on the other hand, that there are to be found professors of religion, whose households are anything but happy ones. In reference to the former, it may be affirmed, that piety, while it would raise their enjoyment to a sublimer kind, and a higher degree of happiness in this world, would also perpetuate it through eternity. While in reference to the latter, it may be remarked, that their disquietude is not produced by religion, but occasioned by the lack of it. A mere profession of the Christian faith, is rather a hindrance to felicity than a help—nothing short of real religion can be expected to yield its joys.</p>
<p>Read the rest of the article <a href="http://www.gracegems.org/20/James_domestic_happiness.htm" target="_blank">here</a>.</p>
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