I’ve recently become somewhat fascinated with Proverbs 31, and have thought, “Could I ever be that woman?” Re-reading my post regarding being a virtuous woman, I am forced to look at how I am living my life. I’ll take it a bit at a time – let’s review, shall we?
“Train our children in the ways of the Lord” Proverbs 22:6
When my son was born, maybe even in the months before he was born, I decided to raise my child as a Christian – a Roman Catholic. I hadn’t been to church in ages, and I was what “they” call a “cafeteria Catholic”… but it was important to me that my child know God and I was going to use this as an opportunity for myself, as well, to get to know God and what He was “about”. What I found was, after baptizing my son in the Catholic church, I still really didn’t know God, and I wasn’t even close to knowing. I still had so many questions that weren’t answered. I ended up not participating in the church I grew up in, and “fell away” for a couple of years, until my daughter was born. I went through the same convictions of raising my child to know God… and I failed miserably at following through. According to the Catholic faith, children are to be baptized as babies – my daughter is four years old now, and has never been baptized.
Two years after my daughter was born, my life became increasingly difficult with a spouse who was mentally ill and refused treatment and counseling, and we ended up seperating. It was going to be a long ride through Hell, really, and I’m just now learning how to ease away from all the backdraft.
I ended up checking out a local church that I knew some family friends had been attending for many years, and found out a good friend of mine from school was attending, as well. I contacted my friend, and decided I would come check out a service soon. I LOVED IT!! I didn’t know what a Nazarene was, but I knew I loved the fellowship and the message; my kids were able to experience the joy of learning about God and Jesus during their time in the children’s ministry while I was in the “big church”. It made me feel good that I was doing something right for them and for me – for our family.
I was so on fire, I (almost immediately) joined the church choir, and had my kids going to the children’s ministry activity Wednesday nights. I considered becoming a member, and inquired about the next membership class, which I attended just a month or two after I started attending the church. During and after the class, I realized that it was exactly what I was looking for. There was only one thing I didn’t understand (quite honestly, I think I will be spending some quality time with my pastor and other trusted friends over the next segment of my life trying to understand/rehash this particular question, anyway), but everything else was like a whole new world to me that I wasn’t able to see as a member of a Catholic church! It was like a burden had been lifted. It was a good day for me, and it was a good start at being a godly family.
Unfortunately, all this will have been in vain if I do not pull myself together. I have such a long way to go with my life if I want to consider myself a Proverbs 31 woman, and not praising the Lord with everything I do is not going to get me there… in my eyes, or in His. I just feel so tainted at times, maybe I’m too far gone. No, I don’t believe that is the case, I don’t believe anyone can be that far gone, but it seems like such a daunting journey for me… can a woman have all the qualities of the woman described in Proverbs 31 even if she has never been that way? I want to be a fine example for my children (most especially for my daughter), I just don’t know where to begin.
